5 Examples Of Boundaries For Attention Seeking Clients

As you grow your Christian coaching business, you are going to want to put clear boundaries and expectations into place so you can serve the exact people God has called you to in the SEASON that God has for their growth. Here’s the truth, what most people don’t realize is that if you are always seeking the affirmation and the wrong kind of attention, when it’s the right time and God’s blessing, the RIGHT kind of attention won’t be given to you because people are just wore out with the striving you create for them relationally. I tell you why I know this first hand in my video:)

First! A coach is always going to challenge you to change rather then a counselor who is going to listen to you process out your pain. As a coach, it is your responsibility to help your clients grow their leadership in a healthy way and avoid sabotaging tactics that will dilute their peace, joy and influence. Attention-seeking is one of the things that completely erodes credibility and respect out of people’s lives so you want to help them eliminate this as quickly as possible. It causes them to look insecure and people don’t want to partner with them because they create so much negativity. 

Before we begin, let’s address that we all need attention but when we seek it from others in an unhealthy way rather than receiving our affirmation from God or communicating simply, hey! I could use some time from you, it’s typically going to produce bad fruit for us.  As a Christian coach, you are going to see some common themes and today I hope to help you avoid taking these clients before they create a bad situation for themselves and your business.

1. The Client Who Feigns Confusion And Helplessness When You Give Them An Assignment

We all struggle. I know I appreciate when my coach goes out of his way to walk me through the process. However, if your client does this habitually and not just once in a blue moon,  this is an attention getting ploy that has paid out for them from other people. You need to share with them that that they could still need a counselor that you are hired to get specific results and will look for ways to challenge not get into how they feel about it. In business and ministry, feelings do not drive action. FAITH drives action.  Ideally, you have not built your business on feeling needed but on the results you deliver for others. Again. if your client can’t take action, they need counseling not coaching.

2.  The Constant Need For Affirmation

Again, we all love encouragement. What makes the difference here is the clients inability to work unassisted. If they want to raise their leadership level they have to be able to work alone, under deadlines and without any affirmation from others. This is the process of helping your client self-actualize their dreams. Compliment them when they take action! Not over their hair or other superficial things. Teach them that spiritual leaders affirm over character not gifting.

3.  Constant complaining.

They need you to explain what you meant in your training over and over. Although you have many other clients who never ask you to explain the very same content. They can’t stay on track or focused and don’t feel like you are meeting their needs, etc. The bottom line is they are used to people listening compassionately and not asking them to move forward in their pain. Have a process in place that you use when you see a client is having difficulty. It should involve a personal phone call, clarifying their grievances and answering them as well as asking them to take action forward to work in pace with you. If they respond, you most likely have a great referral because people appreciate the over the top service. If not, don’t feel guilty for people detaching as they may just need someone who can support them emotionally for a season.

4. Surfing social media endlessly, part of dozens of groups, liking everyone’s post so they get comments back.  Having lots of likes and comments on your business page. 

So, here’s the thing. If you are doing leadership or business training and you don’t encourage your clients to get out of free groups and use social media STRATEGICALLY to grow their leadership or brand, then you are delaying their profitability. Social media can be a huge waste of time if not used with a plan and accountability. I make it a policy, 15 minutes a day to answer and post about how I SERVE and the results I deliver.  That’s it. I get ZERO feel good from social media and watch for my conversion rate yearly. I also end the free in a period of time after six months as if they have valued the coaching most likely they will move into a team environment. I don’t care if you have ten thousand likes that you have bought (because let’s be clear, that’s what happens almost 90% of the time) 465 shares a day on your posts,  if you’re not converting this to clients and your business is multiplying an consistent income this is feeding a need for affirmation that you have. Always evaluate the results is a great boundary.

5. Constantly exaggerating. 

This is probably the number one thing that tunes me into a need for attention. You didn’t just buy a purse. You bought a purse from an Italian designer who lives in the district of…..You didn’t just go on vacation. I see lots of pictures with you jumping up in the air having the time of your life, drinking wine on the RIVERA. Oh my, I need to have your life and then my soul will be full.  There have been many studies done that the more insecure you are, the more you try to project an image of happiness, unity and success in your social media.  Sure share your wins and about your life but share the sabotages too.  If clients struggle with this when they come to me for Leadership training and it goes unaddressed, I know they will hype their client testimonials. The truth will do. Just learn how to share that without exaggerating and you will grow in time.

Need help becoming more confident about your leadership and putting systems into place to serve and grow? This is a great place to begin! 

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