First Steps For Weight Loss

First, when you are ready to begin building a coaching business…Ask Christ in prayer to help you let go of any past failure’s when you attempted to lose weight, emotional trauma’s or judgements you have made towards others. As you begin to speak and try and close sales, little places in your life where you feel insecure really distract you. 

If you want to become more self controlled, biblically that is done through the Holy Spirit. And let me encourage you today, if you’re heart is to talk about Christ helping you lose weight, then you want to pray for a fresh outpouring of the Holy Spirit on your life. It is his job to empower you with boldness and to speak in a compelling way that points to Christ.

When I ask the Holy Spirit for a new grace, I begin with a simple temple cleanse of my heart and conscience. Pray this with me:

Lord Jesus,

I specifically repent of the times in my life where I have judged others for the way they treated me or spoke to me that caused me to become offended or defensive. I choose to forgive abundantly so I may be forgiven.

I ask you to forgive me Lord for judging others on why they don’t have more self-discipline with food, their words, their finances or the way they steward their stuff. I am not their master, you are and I ask you to help me focus on what you have given me to steward and not other people’s lives.

I LET GO of any weight, worry or fear that is heavy on my heart. I LET GO of all trauma’s and I speak ABUNDANT life, peace and joy over my body and emotions. I expect to be filled with Holy Ghost power and overflowing with liberty because I have taken the time to lose weight your way so I may give you glory. Father, open up an effectual door of witnessing for me with even my first 5 pounds. Send me to those who need to know your love, forgiveness and joy that I may give them hope!

Secondly, I want you to understand this clearly. FAILURE is a mindset. It is not WHO YOU ARE IN CHRIST. When you learn this, you can apply it to all new goals you attempt to finish. FAILURE is just an emotion that arises and deceives you and this comes from judging yourself or a performance based mindset. It’s SPIRITUAL WARFARE to prevent you from living boldly for God and pursuing your goals and vision.  In Christ, as we speak the word and are conformed to HIM, we receive more grace and freedom. We literally gravitate towards health and peace because this is who CHRIST is.  This one revelation will set you free to become a FINISHER if you receive this!

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Passive Aggressive Behaviors

Watch out for passive aggressive behaviors in your life and business. It will kill your clarity, momentum, and the truth is YOU are responsible as a Christian to guard your peace. If you can’t do that then you are going to make fear-based choices that will sabotage any vision you try and establish.

At the heart of permitted this behavior in your life is a lack of leadership or ability to ask the questions that will have to make controlling individuals recognize that they have violated your boundaries.  Typically people who are passive aggressive have grown up in homes where one parent was controlling or addictive, and the other parent was a passive/enabler.  This person is usually SATURATED with idolatry (idolatry is when we seek the comfort of anything other than the Holy Spirit. E.I. Alcohol, food, drugs, people pleasing)  and it won’t come down without you really being willing to stand through the tension.

Passive aggressive people expect to be disrespected or taken advantage of eventually, so they jump to conclusions when there is the least amount of miscommunication or mistakes made. They BELIEVE they are disrespected at the core of their identity and it’s become WHO THEY ARE IDENTITY WISE. They are also great at excuse making about their behavior which is why it takes so much energy and time to deal with these kinds of people. If this is in your response patterns, you have to get militant about addressing this as it has most of the time been in your family for generations. Most of the time if it’s addressed,  they not only deny it but turn it around so that you feel shamed or doubt you saw it.

Passive aggressive leaders surround themselves with enablers, so it’s classic crazy town banana pants feeling for anyone who attempts to address it. The challenge in business is time is money, so honestly, you have to evaluate if this is the kind of partnership you want in your life as it’s a massive financial leak to your profits and marketing.

So, how do you know you’re dealing with a leader or business owner who is passive aggressive? Here’re some characteristics:

They tell you they are going to take care of it but “forget” regularly. 

They triangulate to others in the family in team rather than directing their questions to the person who can change the situation.

They act like a victim of everything that happens that doesn’t go their way. 

Everything seems fine and then all the sudden they just email you about how disappointed they are with you or your performance.

They keep pushing the boundaries until you explode because they don’t want to be the one who initiated the conflict.

They ask you to deal with confrontation for them because they are too busy or you are “great” at being diplomatic.

They won’t deal with individuals one on one but rather address the offense in a group setting by alluding to the problem.

You will hear them always complain about how they are not respected, or they just keep getting taking advantage of over and over again.

They cut people off relationally, but then when they see them publicly in front of others they pretend all is well.

They show favorites depending on who is affirming them.

They can point out every little detail of how you failed but don’t take any ownership in how they failed to lead.

They always have an excuse for why they couldn’t finish a project or why it didn’t work out.

They are not interested from a business perspective in doing a better job. You will need to let them go when you begin to see these patterns. 

So how do you deal with these kinds of friends, business acquaintances, and family in your life? First of all, address their behavior as passive-aggressive but guard your heart and time with them! If you decide to confront them, have in mind the decision or action you will be taking ahead so that you get to put it in play. Most of the time, these individuals do not want to change or take ownership so distancing yourself is the only option.

Next, don’t second guess yourself. Passive aggressive people have a way of making you feel like it’s your fault when they are minimizing or manipulating you. If you think uh-oh feeling, most likely, you are right. Pray for them to receive the truth but again, don’t come under the fear they try to intimidate you with. Limit your time with them unless they acknowledge their issues.

Lastly, and this is the most important. You HAVE to set very clear boundaries with them without guilt. If they are attempting to control you, just let them know up front precisely what actions you will be taking and then EXECUTE every time. If you don’t, you have taught them that you are negotiable.

Remember, boldness means you can’t back up when there is tension. Hold your ground, establish your authority and stay focused on your mission. Don’t let passive aggressive people distract you from accomplishing the work that God has put you here for!

Have you considered becoming a Christian coach or speaker? Sign up for my START NOW package where I pray with you, give you some thoughts on how you can get started and yes, I have resources if you decide to move forward!

Faith Forward! Bec:)

3 Tips On How To Set New Boundaries With Old Friends

Here’s the bottom line. If you want to live purposefully, you have to be intentional with who you spend your time with. So what do you do when you are building success, but you find there are people around you who are not only distracting you from what God has called you to but giving you a hard time when you communicate your vision to them?

It’s helpful first to understand what the “kingdom” is within you. You see, it’s not this ethereal realm that is mystical for only the super-spiritual people who God really loves. Simply put, whatever you can decide yes or no with… Is your effectual rule.  Ultimately, boundaries are meant to protect your heart and the people under your influence. If you want to influence people authentically, this is a very important revelation for you.

We alone are responsible through the empowerment of the Holy Spirit to place boundary stones in pleasant places. It is your identity in Christ to live a significant and fruitful life but only if you consistently enforce it. If you make commitments and break them frequently, now you are perceived as an inconsistent person, and you lose influence and credibility.

 Next, as you grow, one of the situations you might encounter is people around you become fearful that you are going to abandon them if you experience more success. Most of the time, fear and insecurity will manifest as sarcasm, snarkiness, passive control or even individuals cutting you off relationally if you set boundaries that challenge them.

How to reset new boundaries with old friends 

1. It is up to you to help them understand in a grace-filled way, that you are growing in your leadership.

 Remember, you can never EXPECT people to get about you “identity-wise” if you don’t COMMUNICATE and ENFORCE it every-time. Sometimes we think we are very clear with people when the truth is, our actions are not lining up with the identity we profess. It’s not enough to tell people where you would like; you have to teach them by your consistent actions.

The first thing to do in this case is go before God when you are not stressed and determine the 3 to 5 boundaries that you are not willing to compromise on.  The last thing you want to do is sabotage yourself by backing down and creating a situation where the person expects you to not follow through on what you say you are going to do. When I am working with my private clients, I usually keep them at 3 core boundaries as your aim is to reframe the one house, not build a whole new subdivision in one document.

For example, if you feel like this friend or client is habitually making commitments and then backs out at the last minute, you can see that they probably don’t value themselves or their time very well.  When you reschedule to do something with them without bringing up the first situation where they didn’t honor your time, you have now taught them that this is an acceptable pattern for you. So, here’s how to do with grace. When you schedule the second event with them, tell them that you really value spending time with them, but you would appreciate it 8 hours before you are supposed to get together with them, they would text you or confirm by email that the meeting is still on. If they do not text you and you really like them, text them and ask them if you are still on. If they do not respond, you do not head out for this appointment. If they show up and blame you, simply state what the expectations were with confirming the times. And, consider that this is not a person you want in your close friend circle or professional relationship as they will not be consistent with their word in small things. If people can’t be consistent and execute on little things, they will not execute on what’s important to you or them. This is not an individual that will help you birth your dreams.

2.  Begin by telling the people around you where you are going and that you are so excited about creating a thriving, peaceful and stable life.  This means you have to do the work to clarify your goals and vision for the next one to five years. Dig down into developing an idea that will cause you to joy and then start smiling and praying about it daily. That’s faith. I would even include in this vision what kind of people you want to partner with and how you will recognize them when they come into your life. You have to be practical when you reset boundaries. For example, they will tell you how much they appreciate spending time with you by being punctual:). Once you have done the internal work, then watch yourself become more confident, and you will begin to attract more of this kind of people into your life rather than the one’s that sabotage you.

3. Decide what kind of friend and business partner you’re going to be for other people now that you don’t like the old identity.  Up your leadership by requiring from yourself what you want in a friend. It’s biblical. And don’t cut yourself slack. If you want loyal friends who can speak the truth to you in love, then be that for them. If people are struggling with people pleasing or rejection, sometimes this prevents them from communicating when their feelings or hurt. Write a list of WHO you are identity wise and choose to build a bold character. Here’s a couple I require from myself.

I am: someone who prioritizes prayer; I am fit, I laugh at myself, I am surrounded by faithful, loyal, successful women and men. I value giving back and serve fully and to be the best of my ability, when I make a mistake, I say I am sorry. I value relationships over being right. I finish what I start. I eat the fruit of my labor. (Feel free to go on and on:) 

You can rearrange boundaries with grace. Just remember, when you grow into a stronger identity,  it can be threatening to other people. You will create a tension, and people will be forced into two positions. They will either have to disconnect from you because they are not willing to accept this new change in you or best case scenario they will choose to grow themselves and affirm the new identity God is working in your life. Do not hold back rearranging the boundaries that bring you joy because you are afraid people will not like the new you. God does it all the time for my clients and will do it for you!

The best way to determine who is going with you into your next season is to begin moving in the direction you believe God is calling you into. If that’s speaking and coaching, let me send you my START NOW package so you can have the resources you need to be successful!

Love, Bec:)

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