I just want to share the goodness of grace of God with you today if you are searching for more purpose. Good news! Not that you’re wandering or anything but Christ spoke to people in the midst of their sin and had conversations with them when they were OUT OF HIS WILL.
This mindset of needing to be perfect before God directs your life generally comes from performance-based thinking. The deep abandonment, loneliness and isolation individuals feel who have had to raise themselves emotionally or spiritually. You see it’s your biblical inheritance and identity to feel deeply loved, guarded, valued and guided by your Dad. I majored in Criminology and I can tell you we had many discussions on how fatherless homes impact the prison system.
When you grow up having to pioneer life yourself, with little or no affirmation, you struggle deeply with people pleasing. Nothing is ever quite good enough. You’re always second guessing yourself and other people’s motivations. Without healing, this carries into poverty mentalities and self- sabotaging behaviors. Why? Because you’re always striving to perform for your Father and get that need to feel your Father’s pleasure, that only he can fill. Today I want to give you 8 questions you can take to God so that you begin to receive the healing you need and be settled in his will for your life. He will do this for you immediately.
You have to be able to practice going to God when you feel unworthy and writing down into a journal what you think you hear back from him. This helps you solidify your identity in GRACE rather than in your ability to get things right!
1. Father, do I still feel like I am trying to be a “Good Christian”?
If so, memorize the scripture I did, Hebrews 4; 4-7. But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba! Father!” So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God.
Every time you worry you messed up or are jealous of other’s people’s success, understand this is coming from your lack of fathering. It’s normal. You just need to repent of striving for that approval and quiet your heart by speaking the word to it. This is spiritual warfare to keep you in a place where you keep trying rather than trusting. Use the word as balm over the loneliness you feel. If you are in Christ, you are accepted and you have received an A if you are attempting to grow and learn from your mistakes. There is no B, C, D, F. All your failures will be used by God to glorify him if you stay humble and teachable. Trust me on that one!
2. Will you illuminate me to people-pleasing in my life?
This question kills the fear of man in your life and brings you to the point where you stop performing for Jesus and people. This means you’re ready to go to him daily, read the word, ask him about specific direction and how you are to proceed. Your going to obey what your heavenly father says to you from the word of God and what you hear in prayer. This question will bring you to the place where people pleasing will end and you will learn how to move forward into the will of God on what people confirm to you that God has first spoken to you. It may mean you drop out of activities that look very pious and you spend time focusing on the things that he is revealing to you to focus on. This is one of the most life changing questions to ask your Father. Trust when you ask, he is going to speak and write down what you feel like he says to you. You’re going to obey God fully now.
3. Will you place in the body of Christ as you see fit? I am prepared to build intimate relationships that will challenge me to be uncomfortable.
It’s hard to push past the jealousy you feel when you see other people thriving and you’re on survival mode. Again, this is normal for what you’ve been through but you have to choose to not withdraw out of fellowship when you feel lack or that you’re not performing well. If not, then you’re opting for a mask and that will just delay you being able to hear the will of God for your life. Be honest with where you’re at with people and ask for feedback into area’s of your life, parenting and leadership that you want to get better at. No one expects you to know everything if you have grown up fatherless so don’t put that on yourself. Find a church and believers that you can be real with.
4. Father, in this season, WHO do you want me to send to mentor me?
This is again is another one of the questions that will fast track you OUT OF being a prodigal son. People who are fatherless are marked by isolation. They try to do everything themselves, they resist asking for help because they want to come across as having everything together. This is again because everything is a competition to them. When you are a true son or daughter your life is measured by who you help feel significant around you. Watch for opportunities to invest in mentoring with people doing what you want to do. I have always paid for training for myself to grow and you might have to also.
5. Father, how would you like me to prepare for the promotion you want to bring me?
God is a good Father and desires to bring you good things. He gives to everyone various talents and gifts to help them enjoy life and serve others. If he has given you a desire to learn, get as much education as you can. If you love to work with your hands and be outside, then go get certified in welding, mechanical work or whatever technical trade that will allow you to be the best you can. If you need an identity boost, join the military. Do you want to get paid to coach or speak? In the family of God, there is always a preparation that goes before authority. There is a pace to preparation, ask God to help you enjoy every season you’re in without feeling like you’re not going fast enough or doing a good enough job but do prepare and don’t sabotage yourself by saying you don’t have the resources. Decide what you need to be successful and figure out how to fund it.
6. Father, am I processing my pain by medicating with food, drugs, or any other addiction that is creating a barrier between you and I?
When you grow up in a Fatherless or fear based home, it takes training to learn how to go to God instead of the idolatry that has comforted you. If you keep medicating the ache in your heart, then God cannot heal you. Again, there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus but God wants better for you. If you want to walk in authority, you have to learn how to DO the things that will cause you to walk in spiritual power rather than the world’s crutches. Learning how to process pain correctly is one of the first things we teach new clients who come into our programs as it gives you an ability to move successfully through spiritual warfare.
7. Father, am I looking for “success” or “significance”?
This sometimes is hard to discern but here’s my take on it. If you are willing to compromise your personal convictions and the spiritual and emotional health of those around you, then you are striving for success. When we are married, you need your spouse to help you gauge the temperature of your family. If you are single, this is where your closest spiritual friends are going to help you navigate this. I know in my life, I have always had a restlessness about me to live a “bigger and deeper life”. I have no problem saying that. However, the older I have gotten, the more I go to the Lord in prayer to worship Him, while I do the practical things to bring it to pass. I then try and prepare at a comfortable pace for where I believe will help me be able to steward the next level of influence. I can honestly say, you can only feel significant from living an un-compromised life before God and doing it with people beside you that you love.
8. Father, do I feel minimized or resentful when those around me gain success or want to launch off of what they learned from me?
Individuals who are fatherless always have to be in control. They take it personally when someone leaves their church or organization to lead their own stuff. Most of the time, this is because they have built success around their charisma and loss created insecurity. When we truly have the heart of a father or mother, we rejoice that we have invested well enough that our employees, children or clients can leave us to grow their own vision. We state like the apostle Paul did, I know how to be blessed and I know how to be in lack. It’s all about what the father desires and what will glorify him in a greater way. We are all on the same team when we are in Christ.
Again, just want to encourage you to keep pressing through the muck that clouds your leadership. God has incredible things for you planned and wants to use YOU to influence others for his kingdom. The discouragement often times is just spiritual warfare to wear us down and get us to quit. Don’t. I am praying for you and we are here to help you process through into success! If you have considered Christian coaching to grow an income stream, get my START HERE package and let me mentor you on the steps you need to take to do it successfully.